No Timewasters

wasting the hours, we're all suckers for tragedies.

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 20:07:29 GMT

Ugh ugh ugh. Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish Sion had to do this for me. Sometimes. Sigh. Brotherly fucking love indeed. ~~my fucking wages for his fucking mistakes. Get a real job, boy.~~

And now I feel like scum, because hell, if I hadn't had the bizarre chance life presented to me, I'd be just as bad as him, if not worse. And real, sensible life keeps presenting itself to me, but I never take it. I can't deal with it, because real life in all these worlds right now sucks. Just sucks. Give me history, a good book, anything.

Anything but this. All of this. Even the good things in my life are fucking complicated. Sad thing is, I have no right to complain. At least nobody's trying to kill me. And it doesn't look likely.

Thing is, I really don't want to leave the castle. It's like living in a bubble up here sometimes. Well, it's easier to make one here than anywhere else.

Right. Quiz of the day. What exciting historical places should my wand take me this summer? As if you think I'm sticking around this craphole, you've got another thing coming.

You. Me. Small children of ours. God forbid, a beach. Di's set on it. SIGH. Sand ahoy.

raise your hands high and let this rain pour on.

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 21:14:59 GMT

Well, life is a little...disturbing. I still can't quite get my head around that I was the last person to talk to... well, she's dead, isn't she? It keeps happening. How the hell does it keep happening around here? I'm not even sure what to think about any of this. I don't want to think about any of this. It's why I'm here and not at home, it's why I stuck with this and... fuck.

Then, of course, my brother goes and does stupid, stupid things. Less comment about that the better, but if he gets arrested I'm just... I can't be fucked with any of this anymore. I'm too busy trying to get on with my life normally, like nothing ever happened. I would have gone to see my sister this weekend, like I said, but I can't be doing with dealing with my brothers right now. Just...no.

What to do? I don't know anymore. Maybe just get a book and sit here and pretend the world is poking along in it's own way and it doesn't need me in the slightest.

My daughter seems to be of the opinion that I am rubbish at playing knights and dragons and I would quite like you to set her straight.

Tis all.

Lazing about at home. This is life. How exciting. Moving on.

I've waited a long time for this life, just to ruin it.

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 00:39:23 GMT

Carry on as normal. Carry. On. As. Normal. It's not actually as easy as I thought. In fact, it's fucking difficult. I got pushed right to the wire by nothing but myself. And that changes a lot, doesn't it? It changes how I see the world, how I relate to people, hell, how I relate to God. Or my family. My...fucking hell, my daughter. It does change a lot. It makes you appreciate it, but there's sure as hell a lot of things you can't take back. A lot of things you don't want to.

Like...like Cadence. Every-single-time I see her, it hurts. And yet, I can't resist it. I wouldn't want to resist it, I wouldn't want to throw it away, because now I appreciate it more. But if it weren't for all that... I wouldn't be in this situation, would I? She doesn't help matters either. I want...I want her, but I don't want to be that man. Not to my best mate. Never. And I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want to do that either. But somehow, when we're together...that goes out of the window.

I haven't got a clue how this works anymore. How my life works. And ugh, this rum is making me feel sick. Possibly not the best move on top of a hangover. Who'd think I was putting the alcohol down at this point. Ugh. Need a cigarette.

Student folk! Student folk! Hear ye, hear ye etc etc. I am looking for someone to assist me on a nice trip to the National Wizarding Library in London. I need to find me some books for some researchy bits I'm doing to distract me from the mundaneness that is teaching you lot. So if anyone wants to come give me a hand, throw yourself in my direction. It'll...look good? Can't offer you anything more than that.

Failing that. Do any of the staff folk want to be my servant for the day? I...pay well?*

*actually, I don't.*
**in fact, it's not just that I don't pay well, I don't pay at all.***
*** You can stop looking at me like that, I have children to feed****
****For your information, I keep them in a small menagarie between the Ancient Runes and Arithmancy offices.*****
*****For your own safety. Do not feed the children.

life goes in weird circles.

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 16:40:18 GMT

I...haven't been sure what to put on here for a very long time. I'm not sure I even had the time. I'm not sure I even had the words.

After all, I'd planned never to write in here again the last time I wrote in there. Which is an incredibly sombering thought, given that now I'm here, and fine, and nothing's wrong with me. That kind of feeling never really wore off. It's like...something finally went my way, someone finally listened to me and life decided to be fair.

...although it took me thinking of suicide and meaning it for anything to actually happen, but even so. This is...a surreal feeling. Even nearly two months later, it feels weird.

It feels weird being around all these people that never knew. Or never will know. Or talking to my brother, who the last time I really thought about him, it was just because I wanted to steal his gun and...yes.

But christmas is here and well, I'll carry on like life meant me to, apparently. I'll go hang about with my family, and annoy Cadence and Thundereagle. Life will continue as normal. I'd like to forget this ever happened, but I don't think that's possible. As life continuing as normal feels...weird, knowing what I know. Having been where I've been.

I'll just have to see what comes of things.

*attached is a bottle of wine*

I should have possibly done this a very long time ago, but...things over took me. Thank you. Mainly, for punching and slapping me in the face for the stupid stuff I did. Even so, thank you.

Dylan.

Me and Di are coming to invade your property this week. We'll bring swords and everything and storm you from the front garden.

I shall also bring wine and some cake. For the christmas spirit and everything.

Has been a lovely christmas, I do think. Excluding all the usual things that make the world suck.

one last thing before I shuffle off the planet.

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 04:08:30 GMT

this is fucking not on. there's apparently, not enough wrong with me to cause visions like this. They can only find...minor stuff. Really, quite relatively minor stuff.

They want me to go back for more scans. Nothing goes anywhere. nothing works. Lisa doesn't think I'm telling her the truth. I can't...no, I can't be having this anymore.

no. I can't. it's selfish. fucking hell, I know it is. but I just can't do this anymore. I'm sick of this.

I mean...is it so bad? I can do this rationally. I...I'll write everyone stuff. I'll make sure they know...I don't know what I'll make sure they know, but I'm going to have to do this. I can't deal with this any more. It's all very well having people who care about you, but when...not being able to return it anyway is horrible, and then...everything with cadence just hurts. Because it's either something I can never have, or fucking over my best mate, and either way, it's not on. having to rely on people like this isn't right. Maybe that'd be okay, if I didn't have to watch everything I could say, make sure I'm seeing reality before I even open my mouth...if my head didn't hurt and i didn't spend every night in god knows how many bottles of wine. it's clear I can't do my job. It's clear I just can't do anything I'm supposed to.

This, Dylan, is why you should never have had responsibilities. You can't keep up with them. something always gets inbetween you and them.

I'm sick of being forced to look reality in the eyes anyway. But when even that doesn't look real, what do I do?

this is what I do. I go to, as per invited, my brother's house for dinner next friday. I act normal, be myself, yada yada. I steal his gun whilst ambling around the dining room. Offer to set the table, something like that. I don't go back anywhere when I leave. I go to the docks and...yeah. finish this where it started. possibly how it started. with a gunshot in belfast. it's perfect. I don't even have to think. Just pull a trigger. I surrender.

there, God. this is your last chance. You have a week to show me that something, something is worth this. I know I'm going to hell anyway, but I'd rather hope you'd care enough to save me from myself for just a little longer. I'm only asking one thing from you, and you don't seem to deliver. You never seem to deliver. save me. I'm not asking for money, I'm not asking to be powerful, or even a dashing handsome fucker. I'm asking to be free from this. I'm asking why I deserve this. And the more you refuse to answer, the more you refuse anything, the less I care what you think.

just, for once, despite everything, help me.

It's a nice feeling, the sense of numbing inevitability that whatever you do, you're going to hell. Great sense of freedom, somehow.

no homework, this week, kiddos. I'll save you the trouble. Everyone deserves a break, and you've done a lot of hard work recently without me.

Oh, and if anyone's seen the friar, send him in my direction, if ye please.

is it bad I'm under the impression prayer might work?

you said you saw it coming, but you didn't see nothin'.

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 02:36:37 GMT

Well. fuck. Just fuck. Nothing goes my way. Nothing at all. Not that I can really do much about it, nor am I in a position to complain.

So, fine, the doctor wanted me to go have weird scans and shit and not that I have a clue how this works, I trusted them on this. So I'm supposed to go down to the hospital today and be busy busy fun. And I do.

Don't end up staying very long. Nothing's bloody certain in my damn country. turns out, hospital was busy that day. not thinking about it.

Got a new day to go back. Don't really want to. And now Lisa's...fuck. She hasn't caught me seeing anything yet, but she has found that interesting collection of potions I have. I am not in the mood for this.

Going back to the castle. There's alcohol there. Alcohol and perhaps five minutes to plead with god.

And now I'm there and fuck did I mean that. Yeah, I'm back. In case you weren't paying attention last time. or sunday. Or all those times I was a good bloke and went to do all the bizarre shit - sorry, I don't suppose I'm allowed to say that to you, it's like the BBC - you demand of us Catholics with the Friar. So, y'know, just in case you were listening and forgot, I'm very sorry for bringing this up again, but please fix this. You're nearing my last hope. I'm scared. And I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm just wondering when I'll be able to control that again.

Nobody has a fucking clue how desperate I feel everytime I do that.

lo. Just so y'know. I hate things. Even the things s'posed to fix things don't work right. Maybe I'm just disliked by universes...

sorry, wine again. ~~I'm in trouble and I'm terrified.~~

sorry, student people, I'll be gone again next tuesday. Work's with Professor Thundereagle. Go pick it up, don't torture the man with questions.

like starving wolves, counting sheep.

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 02:17:50 GMT

I'm beginning to think my life is just on a looooooong track to nowhere. The universe wants me to be a deadbeat like my brother, who lives off his benefit cheque and what he can fish off...slightly more dodgy sources. The universe just wants to negate the fact I went and bothered with education and actually have a half decent job.

BY SENDING ME INSANE. It possibly is also a bad thing that I just hit my head very hard into the desk and...it could set it back to default? Like thumping the telly. I'm pretty sure brains don't work that way. But seriously. I need to fix this, because I will get fired. I'm already a fucking danger to people, I nearly did...well, I didn't know what I would have done, but I nearly seriously hurt Dorcas. Also. Note to self: Don't mess with her in general. Headlocks?

So. I'm going to go see a proper Muggle doctor. That's fucking decided, right now. In fact, if I could see one today...which isn't going to happen, but it'd sure as hell make me feel better. To be honest, jumping off a bridge'd make me feel better right now. Joke. Christ, subconscious.

Please, God, make this go away. I mean it. I truly mean it. I know I'm probably going to hell, but I don't want to go there just yet. Just fix this, and I'll be better, I will. I don't know what else to do, if this doesn't work. Please.

And there's only one way to spend an evening like this one. With lashings of alcohol and shut up in a room where nobody can look weird, or disappear, or have fucking Bellatrix Black eating their face.

I bet she does that. Shudder.

Hey. You're coming to Belfast with me. Oh, right, I mean, will you come to Belfast, cause I'm going to see a Muggle doctor and...I could do with you being there.

Srry. Bit drunk. It's good wine. How are you?

Classes are off tomorrow morning, children. Just...off. Not happening. You know what I mean.

and time slows and slips away.

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 17:00:55 GMT

So students are back. And not drinking is supposed to make me less stressed, and visions won't go away. And I can't get the whole 'grak-I-made-a-massive-mistake' out of my mind, even if we agreed we'd never talk about, or even think about it again.

My life is slowly pouring itself down a very large toilet. And Lisa's going to notice. Especially when there's times I can't see my daughter, just like Cadence. Is that descending into some fantasy world to relax? Because it more made me panic. Panic like mad.

Oddly, not many things going off with the students.

Oh well, things to tell that arsing bearded namby pamby psycho-cream puff when I go back next week. Talking of which, I need to work on finding a day free.

My head hurts. I'm getting soup and feeling sorry for myself. Bloody hell, though, it was good to go have a drink or ~~fourteen~~ with Sybill.

I need to do some timetable swapping around so I can get Mondays free. At least until I can rearrange things to fit better. Anyone prepared to help me fiddle? Swap the odd class here and there, that kind of thing?

So, everyone still alive out there? Hope you are, cause that's good to know.

I...um, this soup is good? New students are a pain, but we knew that already.

fall into you is all I seem to do when I hit the bottle.

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:48:11 GMT

I'm losing it. Everything's going fucking nuts. I'm going nuts.

I don't even know what I'm thinking sometimes. I mean...Cadence. What happened to the Dylan who could keep those kinds of things locked up in a tiny little cupboard, along with self ambition and other emotions which definately don't need to see the light of day. For that matter, Dylan, what happened to your punctuation?

And then to compound it (or maybe cause it), I don't know the difference between real and my imagination. I even talked to one of these visons for aaaaaaaaages. Made a lot of sense, actually, even for aomething I imagined. I knew this imagination of mine would come back to hurt me. I know I always retreat into my head, but I didn't know my head would return the favour and make advances on reality.

God, I need help. But I'm afraid. They'll say I drink too much. They'll ask me about when I was a kid. ~~I don't want to go there.~~

This just isn't fair. I want someone to make this better. Something to go my way. But the one person I look to for that...well, I took it too far, and now it's all complicated. ~~like it wasn't before.~~

My head hurts, my back still hurts, and to top it all off, there's that dull ache in my chest.

This really does have to stop.

Hi. Um, sorry for before, that was a little weird, I know. I don't suppose you know where the Friar is, do you? ~~unless he's some sort of weird, cheery priest these days...~~

Um. lo. Can I have a word? Just a short one.

Iceland is my saviour, you weirdoes. Got to love that þ and ð! Only language in the world still to use runic symbols. That's my bit of usefulness for the day.

take a leaf of paper, draw your mind.

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 17:09:14 GMT

Upside: Magic heals faster than other things. I might give Apparation a shot and hope I don't lose any stitches soon. Mainly because it's lonely here, bar the lass who's boyfriend doesn't have dreadlocks. ~~I miss people. What's wrong with me?~~

Until then, I shall amuse myself with books and cigarettes. C'est ma vie.

There's some weird people walking around the castle these days. I could have sworn one of them looked like Nearly Headless Nick, except alive and with shorter hair. And obviously, no partially missing head. Maybe it's a relative. But since when could ghosts invite relatives? I went to ask Nora, but all I could find was an exceptionally angry Scottish lass who wanted to see me in a kilt. Close enough, but no biscuit. The one I was looking for was 500 years older. Then again, it's not hard to find scottish people around here.

New staff are odd.

why do I get the impression something really weird is going off here? Really, really weird. Maybe it's just that I've been inside too long. I think Thundereagle's getting to me, you know. Inside too long! Good god, who am I?

Everything just feels weird. It's nothing I can place. Where the HELL is Flitwick, though?

I'm alive and kicking. Or just alive and lounging around with books and cigarettes. It's how I roll. Which is a little sad, as I think even Flitwick has more of a life than me as I haven't seen him around here in weeks. Or the ghosts. Are the ghosts on holiday this weekend, cause they're not here either?

Sometimes in this castle, I just shrug and accept.

Laaaaaaalalallalala.

thank you, g'night.

It was either that or an Icelandic Saga (which Daione quite likes my rendition of with Mr Fluffles the Panda as the hero and Finn the Polar Bear as the evil King. Mmm, bear drama. Oh, and I wrote that children's book, Cadence! I WIN!

those empty bottles, like sentinels, stand guard the morning sun.

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 16:40:40 GMT

So, back home with cigarettes, books and wow...a whole week of work. Thanks to Rita Skeeter, that week will be filled of strange looks from students and snide comments. Not that I care, or have ever cared. Even so, part of me is really hoping that the nice dreadlocked Auror will want to come and ask me some more questions (I didn't know they allowed dreads in Law Enforcement. Boy, was I wrong?). It'll at least get me away from annoying students and marking exam papers.

Talking of which, people say some damn stupid things in them.

It's also a worrying thing, being talked about. I'm not a hero, and I'm not as mean as Rita makes out. Oh well, I'm safe in this school. And I do actually know enough defensive magic to protect myself, I just tend to panic. Like I did back then and nearly got me and Michael killed.

Why doesn't Lockhart just fuck off? There's another thing! How I really, really want to put this world to rights. Or not, as that's the sort of thing that gets people killed around here. Lisa saved me the newspaper article. I don't bloody want it. Makes me sound like some sort of vigilante bloke. Order of the Effing Pheonix? No chance. I didn't kill anyone. I didn't intend to kill anyone. I specifically avoided killing anyone. I just wanted them to go away and leave everyone alone, nothing else. Hell, I'd have paid the buggers if I had to. Also...was that burly bodyguard my brother? Possible.

Sigh. Let's just go back to work, forget about this whole stupid episode and go back to Icelandic Sagas. Haraldir, hit me! And so forth.

Guess who's alive and limping around the castle again?

Hey! Dorcas, that's your name, isn't it? You're coming to teach here, aren't you? When you get here, I might be nice and offer you coffee. It might also come with a 'Commisserations on your Impending Doom' card, if anyone knows where I can get one.

Whilst I'm here, believe nothing you read. I'm neither a hero, or that much of an arse. Right, getting back to work, you can all sod off.

cough cough

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 11:47:00 GMT

Hello? Right. Working. I'm looking for someone called Cadence (sp?). Is she around here? Am I in the wrong place? They said this'd work. I dunno...strange fuckers. Dylan told me to get you to come see him.

Oh, yeah, he's in St...I missed the name. Odd Magic-things hospital. That one. He's alright, just wants to see you. And I'm his brother, before you think I'm a weirdo creep that's stolen this. If that's possible. I dunno. Fucking weird.

Can everyone read this? Like ALL wizards and stuff? I'm just going to say you don't try that shit in Belfast without us setting about you. If you can read this, which you probably can't, but I don't give a fuck... Anyway. Yeah, if someone could point a woman called Cadence in my direction, that'd be great.

How do I turn this off now? Anyone? Nevermind. Throwing it at the wall seemed to do something.

the day is grey, the sun smiles on the red tiles.

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 17:57:06 GMT

CHILDREN KEEP ASKING QUESTIONS. I'm trying to read here. I haven't read a single book since I got home from work for the summer.

It's all 'what are you reading, dad?' 'oh, *insert title here*' 'What's it about?' 'Ancient-thingie-ma-things.' 'Why you reading that?' 'Because it's interesting.' 'Why's it interesting?' 'Because I like things like this.' 'Why?' 'I'm not telling you the whole story now, but I have been, since I was a kid.' 'whhhhhhhhhhhhhhy?'

Did you teach her that word?! I bet it was Lisa.

Help me Cadence, I'm bored. Let me spend some time with 'Someone-else's-children'. Or even better, No-children-at-all-let's-break-out-some-wine.

I'd just kill for a conversation that is not about Mr Fluffles the Panda. Or Where's my Cow?

Thankee.

Ah. A break from work. FABULOUS.

it's wrong to wish on space hardware.

Mon, 05 May 2008 00:58:17 GMT

I am just not in the mood for the world today. It needs to go away. Soon. Mainly in the form of my brother. Who seems to think he can turn up on my sister's doorstep and demand she contacts me for help. I find this ironic, as he seems oh-so-keen to offer me help with my life, and yet he's the one with people who are demanding money which he somehow lost. He's an idiot for getting involved in all that anyway, and he doesn't seem to realise that I have a different sort of life now. One which I can't just abandon at a flash to come and help him.

This is the advantage of living in a strange little magical town in the middle of nowhere. He can't come and knock on my door. However, what he can do is be there when I go and visit my sister and ask me to help him then. And I have before. Things are different now. Aren't they?

If they are, why is he sleeping on my settee tonight? Why am I considering paying him the money? Why is the world fucking like this, anyway? I always thought he was the most decent bloke out of my whole family, and he's always seemed to be more bothered about what happened to me than anyone else. But that doesn't take away the fact he's corrupt and involved in...worrying things.

Then again. How many wizards do I know right now that could potentially be involved in worrying things?

It still is odd. As soon as I accept that family is family, he seems to remember it too. He is good with my family, actually. In the sort of bizarre way I have a family. Or, maybe, I'm just doing this for Mary.

Or I'm doing it because I know Sion is me if I had taken a preference to reality over my own head. Which makes me wonder if staying here is the right thing to do. I...I just can't run away again. I don't know anymore.

I'll give him some cash and take him on his way home. Christ, things have come a long way.

hey, you. I have to sort some stuff out tomorrow morning. Cover my lessons, yeah? There's only two. No real work required, I promise.

You know...it's very easy to see how humanity became such a hateful thing. We love and we protect, and thus comes hate and brutality. With the exception of Thundereagle, who's a strange hippy whose hair has probably started to riddle his brain and drive him to niceness, the most abhorrent of traits, simply because it's the one which shows the rest of us for what we are.

I'll stop with the philosophical thoughts. It's been a long day. Instead, here's some words of insane wisdom. Never lose a cargo of valuable fish. Especially when they're alive. Especially by accidentally freezing them.

you can't push it underground.

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 14:07:09 GMT

I'm bored. Well, bored in the sort of sense that I have a lot to do, but not much of it seems particuarly exciting. Lisa's taken Daione to visit her parents for a bit, and I suppose I should really have gone to visit my family for...the weekend, but I guess that's rather difficult these days. Awkward, if nothing else. I do have chocolate from my sister and Git of Supreme Gits ~~was I supposed to give up something for Lent?~~ Um...I gave up taking odd potions which make you see funny. There we go. This now means I get to binge on them, right? Right?

Nevermind. I'm actually so bored I took the time to see what all the fuss about the talentless hack was. Turns out, nobody must have read his book, as it's trashy. So very, very trashy. Reads like a self centred monologue of rubbish. Maybe wizards just have really bad taste in literature. Hmph.

So. What to do with my oh-so-exciting weekend?

a) could visit family. - awkwardness, glaring, being told what an idiot I am, general not-a-good idea.
b) could visit sister - a good idea, but does involve dealing with the git of all gits, and could well involve running into the rest of my family. See above.
c) could go for a wander to see Thundereagle and bearded crew - upside is seeing and having a laugh with them all, especially Cadence, the downside is that I do have to deal with their overwhelming cuteness. And I can't get away with smoking in their house. And I'm not feeling particuarly sociable. Great sense of ennui today.
d) could stay here, smoke, drink wine, eat chocolate - good plan. See if anyone wants to join me, perhaps. I can sit here and still be...well, not seem like I'm avoiding people, which I guess is what I really want to do here.
e) go back into recluse mode and start attempting to write again - could be combined with d).

I don't know, I just really can't be bothered with people this weekend. Slipping back into lonely mode. It might be for the best, given that I presume the Bearded Family are sodding off at some point soon.

Hm. Wine and chocolate. I'll have a write and scribble about the differences between European Runes, see if I can come up with something profound. Or...as trashy as Lockhart's books.

I wonder if Sybil's still being my creepy stalker of the month. Year. Something.

There's nothing like a weekend in, with chocolate, wine and a good cigarette or two. Anyone care to join me? I have all three of the above mentioned substances. I'm just bored, really. If not, it's not a huge deal, I have books demanding my attention too. How nice to be popular?

Be sure to wake me up when you stop killing each other, won't you?

well, I have no desire to see through my own eyes anymore.

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 00:27:40 GMT

Mebbe, it wasnt such a goood idea to drink, then take this potion. Nupe. But it's fun. So much fun.

Look, my handwriting tastes like MINT. Shame I hate the stuff. And the ceiling tastes like sort of dirty coffee. Don't think I'll go there again. Wine tastes like...oh, wine.

I think I'm just going to lie on my bed and study things. I wonder...I might try and read something.

AHAHAHAH! Greek tastes like dust! Or maybe that's the colour of the page.

I can tell you one thing, though. This by far beats worrying about what exactly Sybil is ON about, why everyone keeps KILLING each other in all sortsa places, being pissed at lockhart, and about life in generall.

This will be a fun friday night. Alcohol, mixed up senses and ohsomany cigarettes, with some books thrown in there.

I am having a fantabulous evening. If you have something colourful, send it this way, PLEASE. ~~I want to lick it.~~ And I haven't even got off my bed yet!

Whilst I'm here, Lockhart is a hack, as is that journalist woman whatever who wrote about him. On reading more of this, Plato was a hack too. ~~He tastes like pasta sauce. Or the front of his book does.~~ They're all hacks.

Don't care though. Don't caaare. ta, Cadence, ta very much. Be nice to each other tonight, kids. It's only polite.

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 06:43:47 GMT

I have been told to talk to you. So...um...talk to me.

Are you alright, mate? Want some wine? I have lots of wine.

I swear, this has just become cheaper than owning an owl, if nothing else. Personal message service and everything. Anyone want me to send them anything whilst the personal message service is avaliable? Aaaaaaanyone.

by land, by sea, by dirigible

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 23:31:42 GMT

So, I hear you have a little creature now. Of the male, or female variety? When can my little creature come yammer words at it in nonsensical orders? I swear, she learns so fast, she makes me feel stupid. I have random things to throw at you, too. All useful, I swear. ~~apart from perhaps the three eggs...~~

I'm pretty sure I was never a child, but who knows.

S'all really.

OH! Don't call him/her Frodo or Moonbeam. Please. For the good of future generations.

most inappropriate moods.

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 01:24:15 GMT

So, Christmas at my sister's was...different. I'm still used to my mum fussing around over food and my dad being grumpy at everyone and my brothers fighting...it's traditional. Sion did send me and Daione presents, though, which was nice of him. I'm pretty sure the fluffy zebra is hers, as I'm pretty sure she wouldn't get 'A Brief Comic History of Ireland'. Got to love comic strips.

I have been trying to read it to her, but I don't think she got any of it. Shame. And then I get back to England/Scotland/over here to find out that the poor lass who used to argue with me had been killed. So I should set about sending that guy flowers. Who is it? Fabian, something... From one dangerous country to another. For fuck's sake. Nobody can be human to anyone any more. Damn bloody world. I knew there was something up with it, it had a funny look in its eye.

So I am going to stay here, with my kid, or at school and go nowhere else. Just like before, then, really. And I'll talk to her about fun fantasy worlds and so on, where people don't go and kill each other. Except, here's the thing. I was pretty sure this was a fun fantasy world when I was a kid. not fucking true. all fucking lies.

Wait. She said something. I'm sure she fucking did. Hold the bloody presses right there. And again. I'm sure she said 'hug'! How exciting. Screw hiding in a corner, I'm going to buy books tomorrow and teaching her to read! She can talk! ...well, sort of. I might have to teach her more words first.

Dammit, inappropriate good mood strikes again.

I had to tell someone! Don't laugh, I know I should be calmer etc, etc. But my little girl said something. It's so amazing, I want to tell the nearest hapless victim. That's you guys.

Well, the world's a delightful place, wherever I go. Contrary to a certain professor's belief, I will be living in my office when school starts again. Lessons will be moved to there, you can all squat on the corner of a pile of books and everything will be well. Or else.

if seeing is believing, I believe we have lost our eyes.

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 09:29:34 GMT

So. Downsides to being an irresponsible idiot: I get shouted at. I get to feel guilty. I get shouted at. I...um...get shouted at? I get glared at for a few days. I have to go grovel. I get shouted at again. More grovelling.

Upside: I still kept all my nice evenings in with wine and cigarettes, I just have to feel guilty for them now. After much grovelling, I did get fantastical make up sex. The thing is, men and arguments don't mix. Women have this whole fancy stealth bomber thing going off, which can turn corners swiftly and move from one thing onto another. Men get Soviet built great hunks of metal which were never supposed to fly apart from as cannon fodder for the other planes to laugh at. And yet, I can write a damn good essay.

Hmm. None the less, I won't be doing that again. She'll probably get sick of the sight of me and send me back to the castle. In which case, I'll sit and drink wine and smoke. It's sort of a win win.

Note to self: Must. Be. A. Better. Father. SHIT, Christmas presents. I hate holidays. I HATE THEM.

Ladies and Gentlemen of Hogwarts, which I know is very few of you on these now, so I'm going to tell you ALL a bloody story as nobody listens to me these days. I don't know what it is I do. Maybe teaching Ancient Runes infects you with droning disease after a few years or something. So, listen up! This one's a good one. And no doubt, the Welsh amongst you will have heard this millions of times, just like I've heard the Giant's Causeway story so many times, I want to rip pieces of Ireland out and throw them in the sea.

Owain Glyndŵr. Who the non-Welsh speaking amongst you might know better as Owen Glendower from Henry...IV, I think. But that portrayal of him is bullshit. Shakespeare might have been good at a lot of things, but history really wasn't his forte. Given that Macbeth was actually his most accurate play. And that wasn't even SUPPOSED to be.

Anyway, today's random story about independence, defiance and all around awesomeness is about good ol' Owain.

As you should, but probably don't (as does/did anyone ever listen in my class?), Wales was invaded and occupied by Edward I in 1104, and it was full of myths and wonder, it really was. If you count ridiculous amounts of rain, a lot of mud and the odd magical king as myths and wonder. Anyway, the English (as portrayed in Shakespeare) thought the Welsh were a bit...mad, I guess, believing in all this wishy washy magic stuff (apparently, the Welsh were just paying more attention) and still having druids in this modern day and age of the 12th century. Dear me. So, the English ruled oppressively. As they normally did when they invaded places.

The Welsh, being generally proud of themselves, were a bit pissed off at this. So, in the 1400s, up pops a Welsh noble, Owain Glyndŵr. A random act of land dispute would subsequently lead to a rebellion and Wales' greatest hero. Not too shabby, I suppose. Owain was rather pissed off that his neigbour, an English lord ~~kept kicking his football in his garden~~, was nicking off with bits of his land. And the dispute went all the way to the king. Of course, Owain, being Welsh, was bound to lose, even if he was in the right.

So, what did he do? Started a rebellion, of course. Using this as some strange pretext for rallying the people of Wales against those damn English, he persuaded every man in Wales to refuse to fight for King Henry IV against Scotland. Only in a time of war could an act of pacifism be so powerful. Except, of course, it wasn't going to stay peaceful. Declared a rebel, he headed for the hills. Which, trust me, is rather difficult in Wales, given there are hills EVERYWHERE, so how you head to them, I don't know.

Some sort of fight was on. Henry marched into the south, Owain took the North. The poor places inbetween - Harlech, Criccieth and Aberystwyth - were eventually seized by Owain and he declared himself Prince of Wales at Machynlleth, which isn't pronounced how it looks, and held a couple of Welsh Parliments. Hurray for Owain! Unless you were English.

In which case, you were a bit pissed. And proceeded to retake the South and East. Then, attempt to blow up Aberystwyth. As tends to happen, Owain went out with a bit of a damp squib. Famine and sickness hit Wales and his castle at Harlech. The English walked in without much of a fight and took him prisoner. And that was the last Welsh Prince of Wales.

So yes, that was entirely irrelevant to anything, but I like rambling about British history. And the little kids liked it, so you must, by extention. ~~not to mention, talking about old battles is distracting from all this mess.~~

unoriginal boredom.

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 22:27:55 GMT

So, guess who's been avoiding responsiblities recently? Oh...um...me. I get the impression she'll be pretty-fucking-pissed. As for some reason, I was doing so well, then decided I had a lot of work to do and it was much easier to laze around up here, drink wine and smoke than do...all that stuff.

Of course, now, I'm going to incur some wrath. Possibly. It's not that I didn't miss them, I did. But I just lost track of things, got caught up in other things, wasn't paying attention. This is why I'm not cut out to have a cat, let alone a daughter. I'm too bloody here-there-and-everywhere.

So. To face the music or to avoid the music in a curled up little ball until it attacks me valkyrie style? I think the former. Regrettably.

Choices. Students of mine - You can all chip in and buy me a bottle of whiskey, thus guaranteeing Os for all of you. Or, if you all get Os without any bribing assistance, I'll buy you all a bottle of whiskey.

Of course, before any of you nutcases listen to me, this is a joke. Do you think I'd give away alcohol? Do you think I'd give away marks?

Go on, go do your work and leave me be for a while. I am not open for questions or annoyances tonight. Don't disturb me unless the building's on fire. Even then, I'm open to a little central heating in this place.

if it's all night, it's all right.

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 12:48:18 GMT

I am finally organised. Ish. In that I have a birthday present for my little girl tomorrow and maaaaybe I'm getting the hang of this. Maybe. I'm still nervous as anything when she gets left in my charge and my charge only.

But it's getting better. I'm sure. I hope...something along those lines. But getting a present and/or tiny little cake which, hell, I can eat on her behalf, makes me feel better about this. Almost sad, really.

And my brother wants to come tomorrow. Well, my sister's coming because that's obligatory and she's bound to have got a better present than me. But Sion? Didn't see that one coming, especially as Michael's still pissed at me. I can hardly...well, I can hardly tell him not to.

Ah well, back to work. The one thing I can do properly. Apart from drink, but I doubt that counts.

I'm in a good mood. And this has very little to do with getting free cigarettes from the staff room (who ever left them there, sorry and thank you). So, children. In light of it being um...kind of holiday, have an extra week for homework, on the house. Not to mention, having to mark it would ruin my mood. Go. Mush mush, get on with lazing about and procrastinating.

Thundereagle! How goes it?

man flu.

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 10:08:08 GMT

I may or may not be dying in a hole, so lessons today are off. It is rather hot here, isn't it? Stupid October...wait a minute. Either way, window opening time.

Thinking about it, I can't be bothered to get up, so the window will remain closed and I'll remain abnormally hot in here. Why did I have to get the cold which makes you feel like someone's punched you in the face over and over? Ew.

Now, to get up and get lemon drink or to stay here? Like any of you care.

Am I entitled to moan to you about how DEAD I am? And no doubt you'll roll your eyes and tell me how I'm doing the manly thing of exaggurating everything that's wrong with me. I would like to point out that I am not, it is really this bad.

I'm curling up in a corner until I get sympathy off someone.

Oh, how are you?

my friend confessed she passed the test.

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 17:37:24 GMT

Thundereagle's right, isn't he? I can do this. I can, right? I'm not going to fuck this up. No.

Who am I kidding, of course I am. I'm already into my second bottle of wine for the evening and god knows how many cigarettes. I may be able to sit here and get drunk and get all my work sorted, but looking after a kid too? Fuck no. I'm too irresponsible for that.

No, come on, have a little confidence in yourself. Wait a minute. Me? Confidence in myself? Not a likely prospect.

Just when I thought I was managing my life well, I have a kid who's nearly a year old and I still can't deal with it.

Right. I am going to sort this.

Evening there. I was thinking...well, with some suggestion from Thundereagle. Could I look after Daione for...the weekend or something. Just me, as she does spend a lot of time with you and I thought it'd be a good thing if I got to know her a bit better or something. Um...yes. Anyway.

What do I get her for her birthday? It's not like a one year old has any dicerning style or taste.

You know what I like at the minute, without any particular reason why? Yoghurt at midnight. Especially fruity yoghurt ~~after a bit too much wine~~.

You know what I'd really like? For ANY of my seventh years, bar Mr Quirrel, to hand something in on time. From now on, ten marks off for every day late. No excuses.

There's no use in finding yourself, you'll just become something else and get lost all over again.

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 23:02:26 GMT

So, things change, don't they? As in seriously change. I have a daughter, who's nearly a year old (by the way, what the hell do you buy a kid who's one for their birthday? It's not like the standard issue chocolates and/or wine work too well. A puzzle, that one.)

Everything just seems a little bit more insignificant now. Apart from that. Even so, I'm awful at this being a father lark. Like I'm supposed to know why she's upset, like Lisa does. I just get awkward when people cry. Even kids who are generally supposed to cry for a multitude of reasons beyond me. I mean, I try my best, honestly, but I don't get this.

I also don't get why Thundereagle isn't terrified out of his wits. It's a scary thing, all this responsiblity. Not to mention, now feel guilty for even thinking of smoking inside. Hm.

This is why I like being back at school, this is why I like staying in the castle. Because I do actually know what I'm doing here, I can blindly bluff my way through this, because I know all this stuff. How to be a dad? Not something I know, so I get lost and I panic and I'm trying...but gah. Lisa's happy, though, so that's good. Talking of which, I should go visit them both, because even though I'm lost, I do love going to see my little girl. Because hell, she's mine, and that's something special right there.

Can I have a meander down there tomorrow? I meant to do it today, but I overslept (as if there's such a thing on a Saturday) and then felt productive so did some work...and so on.

Otherwise, how are you and my little girl?

So, who likes my stubble? Dashing, isn't it? Makes me look like a rugged gangster, who needs an earring, a crucifix on a shiny chain and guns from here and there. Except that could be a very bad idea, so I'll stick to teaching you all Ancient Runes. But I will keep the stubble, as this isn't the 'rugged' look, it's the 'I can't be bothered' look.

Also, complimenting my stubble may or may not get you better marks in your essays, you'll just have to wait and see. Which means you won't, because I'm fair.